As my spirits lift with the new week (and with the approaching holiday), I feel a need to…share. Last week I was terrified and depressed to the point of sickness over the events that were occurring (trailing right after the death of my rattie boy, Bandit). Tuesday or Wednesday I started pulling web pages on self-forgiveness, because that was part of the problem and I knew it. I had made a mistake and it was tearing me apart. Sure I was mad at the immaturity that followed my mistake, but I couldn’t get past blaming myself and hating myself for what I’d done.
There was one page that had a very good strategy set up, but they have since changed what was on it so I can’t link you back to it if you want to check it out. However, I will outline my meditation here for you.
First, taking a breath in full of good, clean air. Then breathing out all of the toxins that filled the body. Do this until the mind is clear. Repeat for every step as you meditate on it to remove the negative energies.
Step one. Name the problem. Why is there regret or guilt in the soul? What is weighing you down and holding you back?
Step two. Allow yourself to grieve. It hurts, a lot, when we make mistakes and when we hurt someone. Step back, accept the mistake, and grieve over the fact that it happened. When you come to terms with yourself, move on.
Step three. Figure out what led to this. This is different from defining the problem in that, through this step, you find out why the problem occurred. For me, the roots of mine come from how easy it is to feel secure on the internet (no one really reads this stuff, right?) as well as the family influences I’ve had of people doing things without thinking when they’re angry. The Ny-Quil certainly didn’t help, either (and taught me a good lesson – never get on the laptop after taking medicine). It is important to realize what caused the problem, since it has caused you so much grief, and work to resolve it. It won’t be easy, but change can happen. It helps to ask friends to spot-check you to make sure you don’t fall back into acting in the manner that led to this problem. It also helps to meditate on these things, as I did and am continuing to do, to check in with your own self.
Step four. Apologize and/or make amends. Depending on the situation, it can be as simple as saying ‘I was stupid, I’m sorry.’ Other times, it takes much more, such as community service for a misdemeanor like trashing someone’s yard. Depending on your belief, you might say a prayer to your deity (or deities). It all depends on your beliefs. In meditation, if you don’t want to break to find the people you have wronged just yet, then apologize to yourself and promise yourself to apologize later to the others. Self-forgiveness is extremely important if you’re going to move on from this. It won’t be as easy as it is in the movies, though. Which leads to the next part:
Step five. Accept the consequences. You can’t account for other people, don’t try to. Just strive for a better tomorrow. Some people are going to be really hurt by things done to them and an apology won’t fix things instantly. You’ll have to work to earn back what was destroyed. Sometimes things can’t ever be fixed (I hope that this is only in the case of extreme circumstances, but extreme is a different level to every individual mind). All you can do is keep on living. Tomorrow will come. Embrace it for what it is. A new day.
Step six. Recognize what you’ve learned. If this guilt creeps back on you and tries to bring you down again, turn your mind to the lessons learned. We make mistakes so we can learn and become better. These mistakes are going to follow you, but, as a wise baboon once said, ‘you can either run from it, or…learn from it.’
Breathe in the good clean air, and breathe out the toxins. Breathe in, breathe out.
These steps might take more than a single session of meditation. You could spend whole separate sequences meditating on each piece if you wanted to. However, I have found them extremely freeing. My mind has been freed to think of things other than what was upsetting me. Granted, the troubles in your life are not always going to be caused by you (people will do you wrong, just as you can do them wrong), but getting past guilt and regret can be a good chunk of the burden.
I wish you well in your endeavors and happiness in your life (especially on those Mondays when getting out of bed is nearly impossible).
– Cami
edit: Ok, I found one of the links I used that actually really closely follows what I talked about here. It’s not the one that I focused on when I did this, but I think this is the one I was drawing from when I wrote this.
Cami Elaine
Crimsette
Lumaria
Nadia M. Knell
Earth Spirit 