The Meaning of the Christian Pagan (well, of THIS Christian Pagan)

January 13, 2012 at 11:41 AM (Spiritual Traveling)
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I know I’ve posted on this topic before, but I’ve had more time to figure out just what this title means to me. And it means a lot.

Mostly, my revelations have come because of the interfaith conference and having to explain myself. No one thinks that those two titles can be combined seeing as Christians have waged war on paganism for pretty much all of time. But this makes me bring up a very important point:

I am not every other Christian!! I am my own person. I hate being forced to read the Bible in a certain way, and I don’t always agree (strike that…I almost NEVER agree) with what people on the pulpit say. I’m not a fan of people blindly following without educating themselves in ANY department, but it’s most frustrating in religion. I know far too many people that go to church and just rely on what the preacher says. I bet you could convince most of them that “Jesus then said ‘fuck you stupid bitch!!’ and went on his merry way.” Ok, that’s an exaggeration. But they are extremely blind.

I see the afterlife aspect as just one part of our existence, not the whole reason we’re living. Nothing says we can’t be happy to be alive! We just aren’t supposed to weigh ourselves down with love and adoration of the physical things because they are not eternal. Cool. I can deal with that. But I’m not going to live my whole life waiting to die!

This is where my paganism comes into play. We are also part of the earth and the world around us. We need to respect and love our natural planet. Thank the world for not ending, you know? Be happy in our world, and love the nature that we came from…All of that pagan stuff. 🙂

I don’t see the earth as a deity. I see it as an ever changing, living thing (don’t argue that rocks aren’t alive or have never been alive; they are made up of cells, the building blocks of all living things). I see the great spirit, God, as the deity. (Many religion quizzes like to tell me that I’m Jewish because I don’t see the trinity as three separate entities.) I also see them as working together (God and the Earth, and, at a greater distance, the great universe out beyond Earth) to make our world, universe, and the beyond, all one reality.

I really hope that makes things a bit clearer for anyone who has questions. And please, feel free to rapid-fire me with more questions should you feel the need.

-Cami

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In the Night

November 1, 2011 at 9:52 AM (Holiday Chatter)
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As the sun set on ‘Halloween,’ Crim and I ran over to the campus store to purchase (with our pitiful food points) the makings of…well…A college made feast. Can’t expect it to be too epic. We had mashed potatoes, rice, and pumpkin spiced milk. I had tomato soup, since no one else wanted to delve into that with me. We also had sour cream and cheese that Crim and I beat into our potatoes until they were less bland.

We had…well, three places set out, but multiple more guests in attendance. Two humans, six animals. Rice isn’t good for them, but its not as bad in the spirit world, I would hope.

I know my Bandit said goodbye last night. However, I don’t know if my father came…But someone did. Someone I didn’t recognize. Probably mid-twenties, definitely more strongly northern-European than my father. He was much paler.

But he enjoyed dinner.

So friend, whoever you might be, thank you for coming. (And not being super scary when I had to wander back to my room alone last night.)

The bonfire we had planned for last weekend didn’t happen because people were sick and it rained. But things worked out well anyway. For our lack of available food (it was Halloween, of course there was no food in the store!) and fire, I think we managed a very nice dinner.

I can still feel that sensation from last night though, and I think I want to hang onto it for a while. Someone was really happy with what we did.

So Crim, Lumi, thank you for indulging me in my ignorances last night, and I hope we can do this again next year.

-Cami

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Meditating on Regret

October 25, 2011 at 8:46 PM (Holiday Chatter, Spiritual Traveling)
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As my spirits lift with the new week (and with the approaching holiday), I feel a need to…share. Last week I was terrified and depressed to the point of sickness over the events that were occurring (trailing right after the death of my rattie boy, Bandit). Tuesday or Wednesday I started pulling web pages on self-forgiveness, because that was part of the problem and I knew it. I had made a mistake and it was tearing me apart. Sure I was mad at the immaturity that followed my mistake, but I couldn’t get past blaming myself and hating myself for what I’d done.

There was one page that had a very good strategy set up, but they have since changed what was on it so I can’t link you back to it if you want to check it out. However, I will outline my meditation here for you.

First, taking a breath in full of good, clean air. Then breathing out all of the toxins that filled the body. Do this until the mind is clear. Repeat for every step as you meditate on it to remove the negative energies.

Step one. Name the problem. Why is there regret or guilt in the soul? What is weighing you down and holding you back?

Step two. Allow yourself to grieve. It hurts, a lot, when we make mistakes and when we hurt someone. Step back, accept the mistake, and grieve over the fact that it happened. When you come to terms with yourself, move on.

Step three. Figure out what led to this. This is different from defining the problem in that, through this step, you find out why the problem occurred. For me, the roots of mine come from how easy it is to feel secure on the internet (no one really reads this stuff, right?) as well as the family influences I’ve had of people doing things without thinking when they’re angry. The Ny-Quil certainly didn’t help, either (and taught me a good lesson – never get on the laptop after taking medicine). It is important to realize what caused the problem, since it has caused you so much grief, and work to resolve it. It won’t be easy, but change can happen. It helps to ask friends to spot-check you to make sure you don’t fall back into acting in the manner that led to this problem. It also helps to meditate on these things, as I did and am continuing to do, to check in with your own self.

Step four. Apologize and/or make amends. Depending on the situation, it can be as simple as saying ‘I was stupid, I’m sorry.’ Other times, it takes much more, such as community service for a misdemeanor like trashing someone’s yard. Depending on your belief, you might say a prayer to your deity (or deities). It all depends on your beliefs. In meditation, if you don’t want to break to find the people you have wronged just yet, then apologize to yourself and promise yourself to apologize later to the others. Self-forgiveness is extremely important if you’re going to move on from this. It won’t be as easy as it is in the movies, though. Which leads to the next part:

Step five. Accept the consequences. You can’t account for other people, don’t try to. Just strive for a better tomorrow. Some people are going to be really hurt by things done to them and an apology won’t fix things instantly. You’ll have to work to earn back what was destroyed. Sometimes things can’t ever be fixed (I hope that this is only in the case of extreme circumstances, but extreme is a different level to every individual mind). All you can do is keep on living. Tomorrow will come. Embrace it for what it is. A new day.

Step six. Recognize what you’ve learned. If this guilt creeps back on you and tries to bring you down again, turn your mind to the lessons learned. We make mistakes so we can learn and become better. These mistakes are going to follow you, but, as a wise baboon once said, ‘you can either run from it, or…learn from it.’

Breathe in the good clean air, and breathe out the toxins. Breathe in, breathe out.

These steps might take more than a single session of meditation. You could spend whole separate sequences meditating on each piece if you wanted to. However, I have found them extremely freeing. My mind has been freed to think of things other than what was upsetting me. Granted, the troubles in your life are not always going to be caused by you (people will do you wrong, just as you can do them wrong), but getting past guilt and regret can be a good chunk of the burden.

I wish you well in your endeavors and happiness in your life (especially on those Mondays when getting out of bed is nearly impossible).

– Cami

edit: Ok, I found one of the links I used that actually really closely follows what I talked about here. It’s not the one that I focused on when I did this, but I think this is the one I was drawing from when I wrote this.

http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Serious-Regrets

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A Grounding

October 6, 2011 at 6:24 PM (Uncategorized)
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Today was the blood drive at our college, and myself and Crim gave blood (I sat by Crim’s side is how I can speak for her), and Nadia tried but was deferred, as were some of our other friends for various reasons (being out of approved countries within the last twelve months, for example, such as one of our friend’s visit to Haiti last May).

The experience was very grounding, and always has been for me.

This was my fourth time with the needle, my third time actually giving blood (the first time I tried to give blood, my blood clotted up before anything really happened). One time I was deferred due to low iron (it was 11.8 on one check and even lower on the second, while the number they need to see is 12.5). Every time, just trying to donate is a powerful experience.

I like to think that it’s spiritual for me. Not because it’s a good deed that will get me in good with some deity, but because I know I’m saving three lives. And my blood is extremely needed and extremely likely to be used because I’m O negative. So they really need people like me to help them out because everyone can accept my blood.

So, maybe I’m being selfish, a bit, when donating my blood, because it does make me feel good to know I’m helping someone. But I also feel more in touch with the world. This is why just trying is powerful for me. I may not have made it, I may not have actually helped anyone, but I tried. And it is so grounding.

 

– Cami

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